My Friend Jeremiah Schlong Is Better Than Olbermann

I just read something very funny concerning the brilliant Keith Olbermann of sports and communist broadcasting fame. He was apparently discussing healthcare on his comedy show over there at MSNBC and sounded foolish. Imagine that. At any rate Bill Heffner, in his excellent blog "On My Mind." wrote that Olbermann "stepped on his instrument." I read it, reread it, and busted out laughing. Instrument? That is a riot. I left the comment that he always is stepping on his instrument. It is not certain though that he is in possession of an "instrument." It seems to me that his plumbing is more likely interior than exterior. Oh well the one thing that is certain concerning Keith, regardless of the type plumbing he has, is that he is indeed an "instrument."The whole thing reminded me of a time gone past when I was in the service. There was a song by someone and one of the lines was "the blood flows through my instrument." I don't recall who the performer was and I don't feel inclined to look it up, but that line was seized on by a shipmate of mine and he sang it all the time. It actually became annoying. I have not thought about this guy for quite a while. He was my leading petty officer at the time and we often had problems getting along, but all in all he was my friend and comrade. For some reason we all had what we called "porn names" during this period and he enjoyed referring to himself "Jeremiah Schlong" which was pretty hilarious. He obviously was first in line when the schlongs were being handed out and someone came up with the theory that the bigger the instrument, the less one can handle liquor. As a result of this observation whenever he sang "the blood flows through my instrument" it was pointed out that there was so much blood in that region that there was not enough left in his brain and that was why he was a lightweight. It was true, two beers and this guy was insane. Three or more beers and he was incoherent. This disturbed him somewhat I believe. With that crowd, manhood was judged on the ability to drink well. There may be something to the instrument/liquor theory incidentally. At another duty station I noticed one Joe "The Horse" could not drink more than one or two without being blasted. Back to Jeremiah; he and I once rode our motorcycles from our duty station in Florida to his home in Toledo. We stopped in Nashville along the way and had a couple of drinks. He then proceeded to urinate in front of the Grand Ole Opry while, at the same time, advised some woman that "he did not give a shit if she was married, she needed to come back to the hotel with him." I just stood back a good distance away and waited for him to be arrested. His luck was in that night as no cops showed up. We proceeded to Toledo without any further insanity. Once there we checked out a couple of Mud Hen games with some of his family members who, quite shockingly, were normal people. We also had some drinks with some of his buddies from high school who I thought were pretty much thugs. After a few days we rode back to Florida. I enjoyed my experience in service at times and still remember fondly some of the people with whom I served. One influence "Mr. Schlong" had on my life is that I developed an intense dislike for Ohio State football. That was all he talked about during the season and it grated on my nerves. I still can not stand the Buckeyes and probably never will. "Jeremiah," like Olbermann, was and probably still is an "instrument," but unlike Olbermann, he was no pussy.