Saturday, October 15, 2011

A Bit More Advice for A Young Lad

After reading my last post you still are thinking of tying the knot are you? OK. You need to know a few more things before you take that final leap.

As with the green grocer, expect to spend a lot more time in department stores than you ever have before. Expect to hear about the money that your wife "saved" after one of these trips. Don't give into the temptation to mention that you are three hundred dollars lighter in the wallet and don't understand how that is saving money. That will just end up making your day seem very long indeed. Oh and by the way; Do you know what 'thread count" means?  No? You will learn.

Fully expect for your new bride to call her mother after you have a disagreement. You might be surprised to learn that your new mother in law may just take your side. After all, she knows her a lot better than you do at this point. In a short time though you will know things about your bride that her mother has no clue of. That can be good. That can be bad.

Expect for any trip out of town to take much longer than you are used to. I don't know why a three hour trip suddenly becomes a five hour journey. Just the way it is. It is like a union rule or someting.

It would probably not be a good idea to mention that you think it would be fun to have intercourse with your new wife's sister or best friend. Keep that between you and your God. If you actually have had relations with one of the above, well,..............You're on your own buddy. Good luck with all that.

Just a couple more things for you to ponder. Hope it was helpful.


Jayhawk said...

Fortunately, my wife dislikes her family even more than I do. We won't even get into the opinion that either one of us holds regarding my family.

Regarding trips, the trips themselves are not too bad, it's the preparation that drives me nuts. Airline shedules are a topic of discussion until I wish the Wright brothers had been fishermen. Suitcases come out several weeks in advance and she actually "practices packing" the damned things. List succeeds list and postits are plastered all over the house. Weather reports at destination and any intermediate locations are checked daily and, for several days, hourly.

Bartender Cabbie said...

I try to avoid airplanes thankfully. A road trip in the car can be frustrating as hell. It should not take 13 hours to get from Houston to Memphis. 9 hours to New Orleans? Maddening.

Crazy Life of a Writing Mom said...

This is soooooo hilarious--I love it :)

The part that had me rolling is this witty section: "I don't know why a three hour trip suddenly becomes a five hour journey. Just the way it is. It is like a union rule or something."

It's fun reading this from a man's POV. :0)
I might "save" a little less now. LOL!