Sunday, September 18, 2011

Every Man Should Have These Things

There are a few things that any man should just have, whether they need them or not. Some guys like toys such as a boat, a Harley Davidson, or a hot rod and those are all fine and good I suppose, but those are optional equipment for a man. What follows is what every man just needs. It is a question of masculinity. 

1. A pick up truck of some sort: I sold mine recently and just feel lost.

2. A chainsaw: Whether one has any trees to cut down is not the point.

3. A stump grinder: As above.

4. A Pressure Washer: A real gasoline powered pressured washer is a must. The little electric ones do not count.

5. Cowboy Boots: Don't wear them if you don't like them, but make sure you have a pair in your closet. Snakes are not necessarily required but they are recommended.

6. An old Playboy: Keep it hidden in the closet if required but a man needs to have one laying around somewhere. If for no other reason than just to remind them of a better time.

7. A Rifle: Whether one hunts or not is not the point. A rifle or at least a shotgun is a requirement.

9. Guitar or drums: A man needs to have a guitar laying around. It does not matter in one can play or not but ownership is a must. A set of drums is a respectable substitute. If a man has a flute or clarinet then it should be out of sight. The secret kept just between a man and God as it were.  Never ever tell another man you like to play the flute. Unless of course your name is Ian Anderson or you are a member of the Marshall Tucker Band.

Now one thing a man should never own is a pair of tasseled loafers. You know what those are called don't you? You don't want to be mistaken for an interior dickorator do you?
I used to think the same about Crocs until I saw the guys on Swamp People wearing them. If they are good enough for Troy then they are good enough for me. I feel the same way about Viagra. Good enough for Rafael Palmeiro then good enough for me.

Have you ever noticed that CNN's Dana Bash looks a bit like a horse? I like that vato. I like that.


Mike aka Proof said...

It's a good list. I am currently without a pickup or chainsaw. I used to own three. (chainsaws, not pickups!)

Never owned a stump grinder or a power washer, but I think I may have more than overcompensated with numbers 7 & 9.

Bartender Cabbie said...

Well I sure do miss my p/u truck. When I can afford it I will be getting another. I don't own a stump grinder but feel a bit less of a man for it. I over compensate perhaps with manly musical instruments and weaponry. An old Playboy can be found also if one cares to search hard enough.