Sunday, December 26, 2010

The 2010 Tuna Flapper Awards

Well Christmas is over and the whole "goodwill to men" thing is starting to wear off a bit. I guess I am just a bit of a mean bastard. I will call a spade a spade, wait, that is probably not the best phrase to use. Sorry bout that.  Hmmm I guess I best just say that I will "tell it like it is" or at least my perception of what "it is." Now the multitudes that read this little blog know that I am not beholden to any one ideology. I often feel that those who are tend to be zombies and possibly (at times) a bit dangerous to society. I am very conservative on many issues, (Jill over at would probably put me in class wingnuttia), not so conservative on some, libertarian on most, and downright liberal on a few. As a result of my personal "bent" as it were, I am pretty darn non partisan when classifying people as  a candidate for a Tuna Flapper. As you will see they fall into the Flapper category from all spectrum's of society. The thing that all these folks hold in common however is that they should, one and all, just shut the fuck up. I will refrain from classifying these people in any particular order because they all are  odious creatures to one degree or another and there should be no computer ranking system. This is not the BCS after all. Well, here you go.

Sean Hannity: Hannity? Yes. I occasionally listen to this buffoon and find him really nothing more than a cheerleader for the right. That is fine and good but I also get the feeling that he usually has little idea of what he is talking about. Plus he is an ass kisser. Kind of like the Jim Rome of political "sport." I hate it when he refers to B. Netanyahu as "Bibi." It implies that he (Hannity) is important on the stage of world politics as it were. It implies fawning familiarity.  If I were Netanyahu, I would guard my package. Hannity may try to perform some surprise fellatio on his person. I would not drop the soap either. I must admit that I do appreciate Sean's support for Israel. That alone is not enough to keep him off the list however. America would be better off just to tune this guy out. He is nothing more than a rural disc jockey and should be doing little more than the local farm report.

BCS System: Well I suppose it is ok to put an inanimate "program" on the list. It is after all backed and supported by flesh and blood creatures. This system is ruining the game of college football, at least in the "upper division." I have spoken of this at length on my college football blog. I will, I am sure, have a bit more to say before the season is all said and done. If I may shamelessly self promote, check out my other "writings" at You may (or may not) enjoy it.

Sheila Jackson Lee: Now for those not familiar, this silly woman is a congresswoman from the great state of Texas. She "represents" some of the poorest areas of Houston. Now as I have stated before, it is somewhat classless to call some one a dumbass in open forum, but exceptions at times have to be made. I will pull no punches here. This woman is a narcissist and perhaps a sociopath. She for certain is stupid. I hesitate to diagnose her as an "anti social" personality simply because she may not be intelligent enough. Often those who suffer from this disorder, in addition to being potentially dangerous, are quite intelligent. Intelligence alone may be enough to disqualify Lee from this diagnosis. Hard to say. I do not hold a "doctorate" in psychology. (Isn't it cute when someone is referred to as a Doctor of Psychology?)At any rate, if any of you are not familiar with this silly broad I would suggest you do a little research and find out for yourself just how stupid this poor woman is. She qualifies for a Tuna Flapper sure.

Nancy Pelosi must be included. Perhaps there should be another category for the likes of her. Perhaps a "Dried up old Tuna Flapper" category would be more of a fit. That would just confuse things however. Why make the process more complicated that it already is. A lot of "thought and analysis" goes into the Tuna Flapper Project. At any rate, this sad nutcase should be near the top of the list, if I was indeed "ranking" these folks. Poor woman is a buffoon and a deserving recipient of a Tuna Flapper.

"Dr." Phil: Phil must be placed in the category simply because he is an annoying, silly, "feel good" type of guy who has parlayed his brand of non sense into some success. I don't begrudge him that, but I certainly believe him to be a twit and therefore deserving of one of the coveted awards. He just talks too much. A friend of mine says he is a "fag." He does not mean gay, so don't get your panties in a knot. He is using the time honored word common in the language of the American male, to call out another male for being, well, a bit of a  pussy or acting in a pussy like manner. It also can be a term of endearment among friends. Further clarification on this may be needed. I will try my best. How about this; "Get in the car you fag, we are going to get more beer." Does that clear things up a bit for you? I hope so. If not, well, that's showbiz.

Oprah: Has America just not had quite enough of this woman yet? Good Lord! When will enough be enough? Remember when Jim Baker chanted "enough is enough" a few years ago when the local newspaper had his number and was on the attack? If the Very Reverend Jim was still with us he would qualify for a Tuna Flapper award, but I digress. Back to Oprah. She is just another person doing her small part to further the pussification of America. We should all be thankful. She is such a wonderful sensitive person. She is highly qualified for a Tuna Flapper and no mistake.

Sarah Palin: How dare I? I do so dare indeed.  Like Oprah, it is past time for this woman to just go away. I know that many of you love her and that is fine. I personally think she needs to just shut the hell up. My intention here is not necessarily to offend, but I must call her out and award her a Tuna Flapper. I find her a poster child for the "Tea Party" movement. Nothing more. She would not even complete her term as Gov. of the great state of Alaska. Does this not send up red flags? Apparently not for some. Does not her desire to be a "reality television star" not cause one to wonder? Just a bit? Again apparently not for a great many. How this woman became such a power in politics is beyond me. It is obvious she is somewhat of a loon, a phony, and definitely an anti social personality. She, unlike S.J. Lee, is intelligent and therefore possibly (but unlikely) a danger to the nation. Have I gone just a tad to far for you? Sorry. For those of you still counting on her to make a run for the highest office in the land you must know that her successful nomination would ensure that the leftists will win the next presidential election. The woman is just too controversial for the average voter. But some of you zombies don't think that way. Do you? She is highly qualified for a Tuna Flapper to display proudly on her mantle.You know, just under the stuffed moose head (that she herself actually did not kill). Probably bought it at Eskimo Dan's trading post out near the airport.

Stewart Smalley: Now Senator Smalley certainly deserves a Tuna Flapper. I really have no tangible reason for presenting this award to him other than the fact that I don't like him. I just don't like him. Well I guess his being an unrealistic pusillanimous leftist does factor in somewhat. I guess I should note that I am referring to Sen. Al Franken (for the SNL uninitiated). Having to explain humor kind of defeats the whole purpose. I hate it when that happens.

Julian Assange: Now this guy is really qualified for an award far more prestigious than the mere Tuna Flapper. He is more qualified probably for some sort of  lifetime achievement award such as the Ice Pick in the Ear or perhaps the little awarded Piano Wire Necktie. Awarding these prizes is above my pay grade however so I will have to be content with awarding him a Tuna Flapper. This man is not a traitor to this country as he is not a citizen, but he certainly is a traitor to Western Civilization. His Wikileaks involvement has likely put American and Allied troops in  even more danger than they are already. Of course he has many supporters in this country and elsewhere who put him in the category of "hero." It is in my power to award those misguided twits collectively a Tuna Flapper and I do so here. I can just picture a theatre full of silly Hollywood types dabbing their eyes with tissue as this Assange freak is awarded the Ice Pick or the Piano Wire Necktie. Poor, misguided, sad little people. They would get over this of course at the after award ceremony group sex party in some Beverly Hills  grotto. Isn't this Assange also allegedly some sort of groper or rapist or something? That should not deter the Hollywood crowd from ass worship though. They still are in love with Polanski who apparently had carnal knowledge with a child. Sad.

This could go on and on of course and there are those probably more deserving of the award than those so awarded. I grow tired of this however and will just leave it at this. To those that won a Tuna Flapper this year I say to keep on doing what you do best. Perhaps you will again be a winner.

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