The late, great Lewis Grizzard had a fascination with what is known as a beer joint. In his many travels he was never very far from a beer joint, in his heart if not in fact. The wonderful novel "North Dallas Forty" by Peter Gent, mentions beer joints on the Jacksboro Highway in the Dallas area. Seth, the Bulls QB (played by Mac Davis in the film) tells his star wide receiver (played by Nick Nolte) something to the effect of "we could spend some time in the joints on the Jacksboro Highway getting drunk and eating pussy. You could learn alot partner." The Nick Nolte character replies that "you could also get killed in those places." These are not direct quotes as I do not have the book handy, but you get the drift. Joseph Wambaugh, another literary great, mentions beer joints in one of his books by saying something to the effect of "in case you doubt that Americans have balls any longer just take a quick tour of honky tonks on the outskirts of town." That is also not even close to a quote but again you get the point. You still may be asking yourself what is the point and I tell you that if you ever doubt the courage and determination of Americans you have to go no further than a beer joint or honky tonk.
Last night we went to a little place in West Columbia, Tx. that is reputed to have pretty darn good food. It is also known to be a place that the squeamish and fearful need to avoid. We went pretty early in the evening and brought our child but I knew that we would be leaving shortly before it got past eight pm. Sure enough the food lived up to the billing and as it came close to the 8pm hour the local rednecks began to appear. Due to having a child with us it was time to leave. Some of these cats looked like they could and would rip the bumper off your vehicle with their teeth. There just isn't anyone as tough and prone to throwing fists around than oil field workers. They are also all armed and thank goodness for that!
I have been around the block a time or two and have done my fair share of drinking and whoring in beer joints, cocktail lounges and honky tonks around this country. Due to my rather quiet nature I only managed to get into one altercation. Honky Tonkin is a great cure for restoring your confidence in this great nation after an evening with Couric, Olbermann, Mathews or some other fruit blathering nonsense.
Here are a few places I would recommend for restoring your confidence in America.
Some of them may be defunct but I have been out of the drinking/whoring game a good while.
Rosie's on Telephone Rd in Houston is pretty damn dangerous and an exciting place to witness folks that will take no shit from anyone. Iran nor Al Queda hold any fear to these guys.
Ditto for the now defunct "Do Daddy's" on Almeda Genoa in Houston. A little bit younger clientele graced this fair establishment and you did not want to fuck with any of them.
In New Orleans I have done my fair share of drinking in upper French Quarter bars and Ninth Ward establishments just the other side of Esplanade. These joints are pretty scary and I don't frighten easy. They are in reality nothing more than neighborhood bars, but the neighborhoods in question are rough and tough. I wonder if any of them are left in business since Katrina graced the Louisiana/Mississippi Coast.
San Leon, TX. birthplace of the Bandidos, hosts some establishments in which it is best to drink your beer quietly unless you are a local. Probably best just not to go at all. The "real biker," chemical plant worker, shrimper, clientele are not to be trifled with. Some of these joints are probably closed now that the urban wealthy have discovered the San Leon/Bacliff area just south of Houston and ruined the atmosphere.
I have done a good bit of drinking in the Deer Park/Pasadena area of Texas and I will just let you know that it is a place to get yourself hurt. The old Diamond Club on Spencer was one of my haunts. A favorite spot for refinery hands and long haul truckers who are not afraid to spit in your eye. The "gentlemens club" just down the street (Texas Dolls I believe it was called) had some of the ugliest strippers to ever grace the stage. I loved it.
I've done more drinking than I can even remember in the Memphis area. Cross the big river and take in a few joints in W. Memphis, Arkansas near the truck stops. That will give you a perspective on the word "badass." One of my favorite spots was Hernando's Hideaway not too far from the airport in Memphis. (Jerry Lee Lewis used to show up and drink).There are a lot of bars and beer joints in Memphis that cater to the trucking and river man community and I tried my best to frequent them all. Those were the days.
Have you ever tried the Chalet Lounge in Alexandria, La? How about the old Leroy's Lounge on Macarthur Drive? Of the two Leroy's was the safer but not by much. I somehow talked myself into a threesome at Leroy's; wish I could remember more of it. Well maybe not.
Again I have taken in the dive experience all over this great land including but not limited to Tennessee, Texas, Louisiana, Arkansas, inland and coastal Florida, Northern California (where contrary to popular opinion there are some rough hombres), Queens and Brooklyn neighborhood bars, and joints in Cleveland, Oh. (there are none tougher). I can tell you it was an experience.
So the next time you have to listen to some puss on the news talk of the Taliban, etc. etc. as "battlefield suspects" or listen to some Ivy League pansy talk of national security (The Ivy League itself is a major internal problem confronting our great country), or perhaps you are just worried that the Iranian Navy is going to shell Boston Harbor unmolested, head on down to your local honky tonk, dive lounge, or beer joint and restore your faith brothers and sisters. I would suspect that if some of those honky tonk folks were in charge of this country's defence that there would now be no such thing as Bin Laden, Iran, etc.etc. They would not put up with our brave troops fighting with restraints and I would support them.
Vote for a Bubba or Joe and Jane Six Pack. Our Nation's future may be at stake!!
I shit you not.
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